As I mentioned in Day 1 when describing my husband, I am so thankful for the communication we have. I am thankful that we value communication because of this military life. This has also shown us thankfulness of communication with others.
It is known that in the military life, there are periods of time where you are unable to see or speak to each other. I am thankful that experiences like this have given us the gift of great communication. This is more than what you say to each other. This is more understanding each others needs and expectations. We have had times of radio silence and being away from each other, but these things balanced with a life at times he is home every afternoon has taught us the value of communication.
We get spoiled or complacent with the times he is home every afternoon, and can talk at any time of the day, and then comes a deployment or training with little to no conversation each day. We both have had experiences with really needing to talk to the other and they are busy or unable to talk at the time. Communication for us is not getting upset or frustrated during these moments and understanding a better way to deal with each situation. Getting upset never helps. Trust me, there have been several times I just want to talk to my husband or share something with him immediately, like telling him I just saw our first positive pregnancy test after years of infertility and trying, and he is unable to talk because of training.
There are days currently in my husband’s job where he cannot have his phone on him at work. This can be frustrating after a period of time where we have had him home every evening, and I have been able to talk to him at anytime during the day. I handle this by knowing he values our communication as much as I do, and he finds time during the day to check-in, gives me a heads up when he knows of a time he will not have his phone and roughly a time he will have it back. I have comfort knowing that he prioritizes our communication by just sharing his day agenda, and after work, shares things about his day. He does not keep me in the dark about his day.
One thing about our communication is we are also very transparent with each other. If we are frustrated with one another, we let each other know. We have gotten great at expressing what we feel in written words because at times that is all we had for communication. I enjoy going back over some of the letters and emails from deployments. There are some lengthy ones where I know he had so much on his mind and wanted to tell me, and some shorter ones just to say “thinking of you.” At any point we try not to miss a chance of communication, even if it’s hours, days, or weeks later that the other is able to hear or read those words.
These values did not come by just starting these habits. We have learned throughout each others needs and expectations. I am needy in the sense I just want to know about his day and his thoughts. He is typically not someone with a ton of words. Every single night I ask him what he is thinking, and I am sure after this long, he knows it is coming, and sometimes still responds, “nothing.” That frustrates me as I do not ever think someone has no thoughts. But I have had to learn that not everyone thinks like me. He knows I like to know about little details of things, so he has made it a point to share more with me. We both know each others expectations of communication, and that helps tremendously. That is a huge failure of communication is one person not knowing the expectations of the other, and then we have lots of misunderstanding.
I am thankful of this military life for these experiences that have taught us the value of communication. While most would think this frustrating part of the military life is anything but good, I am thankful that it has been one more thing that has helped us grow stronger together.